July 24, 2014

Women are Emotional. Good. I Vote We Stay That Way... but with a Caveat.


Dear Disney,

Thank you for writing a scene that's so reflective of the reality of my emotions and feelings at times.


Sincerely,
Natalie

P.S. Why is it taking so long for Finding Dory to come out? I've had to wait ten years for this you know.

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Are women crazy? Why are they so emotional? It's a legit question that I think most men ask as well as women.

I don't particularly like that we women get this reputation as being more emotional then men. It's always such a negative outlook on a whole. I think women and me are both emotional creatures, who show those colors in different ways.

Now I do think you can make the argument that many women display their emotions in more public form then the gentlemen do. You can also easily make the argument that the two genders process them differently.

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I'm starting to hear more young women my age and younger in the Christian community talk about how they don't know how to "deal" with their emotions because they're too scared of becoming that girl we all know who's just... we lover her, but she's "too much." We don't want to be the girl who just vomits her heart on everybody, vents non-stop, is overly-dramatic... you get the picture. So what have many of us done? We've tried to hide emotions and put on a strong front.

OK, you're free to disagree with me if you want, but I kind of think that as women we tend to want to process our emotions out-loud--we talk about them, we feel them deeply, we cry, we want to cuddle our spouse/boyfriend (or if you're like me and single, you cuddle the dog)... And I don't know when that became so wrong.

I'm not saying all feminists here (because that wouldn't really be fair), but it seems to me that there's this group of feminists (in the secular context and more so in recent history--I'm all for women voting and the like) who's sole goal is ultimately to make women in the image of men, to make women more like their male counterparts, instead of celebrating femininity and all its beautiful unique intricacies. Their voice is pretty loud, and in some small ways we've bought into their idea that as women we should process our emotions like men tend to. This has even bled its way into parts of Christianity.

Let's chat about that...

I get it, ok? The crazy, crying girls can be overwhelming and are capable of really sinful habits--like that whole venting and heart vomiting thing. But likewise, it's not helpful to constantly be avoiding emotions for the sake of not want to overwhelm another. For the love--it's not even how God designed women to be. Women display emotion differently because God wanted us to reflect His emotions in a unique way, and it's fine that that's different from men.

I am for grounding our hearts in Godly wisdom. Godly wisdom creates healthy boundaries for our hearts to live in and thus emotions to flow out of. Proverbs give the illustration of putting reigns on our hearts, because we have to let wisdom lead us, and sometimes we have to pull up and stop.

I am not for this weird brand of biblical womanhood that looks too subdued and passive. That certainly isn't the answer here. Passivity never flies well with God. In fact God pretty much dislikes a lukewarm, passive, emotion-less posture. He's never passive about anything Himself. I cannot find it anywhere in scripture. Women, just like there male counterparts, are to work, minister, subdue, speak, and steward actively where God has placed them. And there are emotions that have to follow this posture likewise.

Put some reigns on your heart, not because your emotions are always "sinful" (I've already gone over that whole idea here), but because they need wise direction to travel the course. Keep watch over and examine your emotions: They should be proportional to the given situation and context that brought them out in the first place. That means there are days where you should be having an ugly cry, there are life seasons and situations that call for that. Don't hide away and isolate yourself on those days.

Take an adult time-out and pray through your emotions. Process in community. I know how to make a pot of coffee or drive a car to Starbucks, and I value making the time to do that with others. Take time to do a little self-care. It's not sinful, and you have my permission, because Jesus was the son of God and you're not. You need rest, you need stress relievers, you need others to help you come full circle and find resolve, you need to let God pour into you. The world and all of its demands are in His hands, not yours. It will not all go to shambles if you check-out for a short period of time.  

God feels emotions very deeply (and I avoid using the word very 90% of the time, so when I say he feels them very, very deeply, I mean it. As women we get to reflect that here on earth in a special way; don't try to live by another blueprint you weren't designed for. 

And just as a side tip, when you're worried about overwhelming a guy with your emotions, go watch this, and maybe send him the link as well. 

2 comments :

  1. I like the part about resting and taking a time out. Man oh man, the virtues of rest! It's so necessary and we really need to look after ourselves. You're quite right, there. Oh, and I have a boyfriend but I still cuddle the dog. Having my cake and eating it? Perhaps...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey, if you can have both, go for it!

      Delete

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