May 20, 2014

The 5 Best Questions to Ask Yourself as You're Dating Him


#1. What's his relationship with Jesus like? Does he actually have one? Because that's a pretty legit priority that he needs to have, otherwise, don't date him... and certainly don't marry him. Now to note, just because he goes to church, that does not make him a genuine believer. I know plenty of young guys who go to church because that's what they grew up doing and they think on some level that's what a moral person does, but at the same time they live a life so contrary to that of a disciple of Jesus outside of that two hour window gap on Sunday, that you have to take a hard look at how he walks with the Lord. To quote Billy Sunday: "Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile." I'm a firm believer that a man cannot even begin to know how to love you well, if he is not first being taught by God how much he is loved and how that transfers into loving others well.

#2. What's his character like? Is he a man of great character? And by that I mean, he takes his responsibilities seriously, he's kind and gracious, he works at his communication skills, does he practice self-control... is he trustworthy and reliable, etc. All these important things that I see girls lowering their standards on all the time. Really his character should be informed and molded through his relationship with Christ, so see question number one above.

#3. Is he growing in leadership? Notice I did not say, is he a good leader at this exact moment, but is he growing in that process. All too often we compare the young men to their seniors and expect them to have the skills at the same capacity, but here's what I know: 
  • God calls men to lead their homes
  • Solid, fantastic leadership does not just happen over-night. It's a process.
  • We need to stop comparing them at their present state to the men who have 10-20 years experience under there belt, but rather look to see if he's heading and growing in a good direction.

#4. What's his fighting style? How does he communicate when you both hit a wall? Is his fighting style loud, obnoxious, in-your-face-confrontation, yelling? Or passive, manipulating, and avoidance? Or does he turn into a drama king? (Yes, these guys do exist. I've had the *pleasure* of being in the company of them before.) Inevitably, you will fight, but you need someone who is going to fight for the betterment of the relationship, not personally attack you. And does he apologize (when he should)? A guy who's humble enough to say he's sorry shows that he's in it to win the relationship, not the point you were arguing over.
  • Just something cool to look into, but did you know that just as we have love languages, we also have an apology language? You can look into it here.

#5. How does he approach money, kids, and sex? Because these are the top three things married couples say they argue over the most. There's like a gazillion questions that come out of all of those topics, but I am assuming it might be helpful to get a grasp of where he stands on these issues. And take a hint from Shakespeare and "know thyself" by figure out what you think about them as well.

Bonus question #6: Could you survive a road trip, that involved getting a flat tire in the middle of nowhere, with a radio station that only played bad oldies music with this man, while still remaining somewhat sane? If yes, you should probably consider marrying him.

4 comments :

  1. Great questions, Natalie! I would suggest though, girls really have to watch for these answers and not just ask straight out. I mean, you should always ask the questions that you most need the answers to, but generally the truth is easier to find in their manner. #6 was my favorite. :)

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    1. I fixed the title so it makes more sense now since these are questions to ask ourselves about a guy, not necessarily outright to him =) Thanks for catching that Paige!

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  2. Loved the apology language! I have never heard of that before but really really like it and I think that a lot of relationships would be easier if they knew about it also! Thanks for sharing! :)

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    1. I hadn't known about it until recently, but it was too cool not to share =)

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