February 24, 2014

5 Things I Wish We'd Bring Back to Dating


You can call me old fashioned or politically incorrect (I won't care), but here are the top five things I wish were the norms in dating still. 

#1. Legitimately Asking a Girl Out. Seemingly gone are the days where men ask women out in person or on the phone; it's primarily done through social media now... and that option should be low on the list of ways to ask a girl out. Rule of thumb: If you cannot ask a girl out in person, do it over the phone. You cannot use the excuse that you don't have her number if you're texting her. So take the extra effort to come as close to asking in person as possible. And ask with confidence. Here's the wrong way to vocalize it:
"Hey we should maybe grab coffee sometime… ya know… when you're free and all... no pressure though."
This is passive asking. This makes us wonder if you actually do want to go out. You can be assertive in your asking. Assertive does not mean pushy or overbearing, but rather confident and forthright. A better way:
"Hey, I would like to take you out for dinner Friday night."
The first doesn't sound sure of itself, the second is decisive in it's nature. The first communicates, "I might wanna hang-out with you, but I don't know..." while the second says, "I'd like to get to know you better, because I'm genuinely interested in you." The first wrongly uses the word 'should.' 'Should' doesn't put the proverbial ball in anyone's court to act on. When you use the word 'would' in a respectful, confident matter, it's now on her to accept or decline the invite. And if she does decline, it's her loss, and you sir, can just move on and not beat yourself up over it.

#2. Showing Up to Your Date. Maybe it's just where I live, but it's a common problem. What that says to people is that you have little to no respect for someone's time, which inherently means you have no respect for them. You wouldn't cancel last minute or never show up to an interview for a job, for people you don't even really know, and yet you're unable to show your date the same courtesy. At the end of the day this just screams rudeness. Don't underestimate the power of consistency and reliability. If you practice it, you'll go farther.

#3. Tokens of Appreciation or Affection. I'm the type of girl who likes getting flowers. Sure they die, but when they do that's supposed to be a reminder to get more. I think it's the bomb when we give and receive those little gifts to each other. Let's bring back the flowers, the sweets, poetry and the sappy letters please! Plus, those letters are great for future generations to look back on their family history.

#4. Gentlemen, You Better Be Paying. Dating can be pricey, and I'm not so archaic to think that on every single outing your pocketbook is the one taking the hit, because there comes a time when us gals can and should chip in. But on the first couple of dates, you better be paying, because if you don't... I'm silently judging you. Because when a guy pays on the first date, what he's really communicating is that he thinks the lady is worth the investment.

#5. Chivalry is Cool. I don't know where the heck the idea that men being chivalrous became equated to the idea that women can't be independent and are weaklings, but that's not what true chivalry is about. (Women if that's your mindset, then I'm sorry to say this but you're overreacting.) Chivalry isn't about a woman's capabilities, it's about a man respecting and honoring you that he wants to show you in some small extra gesture. It's about going the extra mile, something this kid knows more about than most college guys I know...

15 comments :

  1. Hi Natalie! I agree with every point you said. I think 'dating' has been dying for some time. When my kids were in high school, dating was rare. Group outings were the norm. I certainly hope that no one tolerates being stood up. That really is awful (unless there's a compelling reason of course...).
    If you demand respect, I believe you will get it.
    Great post!
    Ceil

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    1. Mmhmm. My parents say the same thing... which may be why they're a bit concerned how they're ever going to get grandkids ;D (lol)

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  2. That video was precious!
    But seriously, this is a good read. You're first point is HUGE! How often have we wallowed in that grey area of are-we-aren't-we? As a woman, I want a man to feel confident when asking me out. A,) it's more attractive, and B.) it makes it so much less awkward when you are not spending the night wondering if you're just out as friends or if it is actually a date!
    And no one can underestimate the importance of chivalry!

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    1. The assertive thing definitely makes a guy stand out from the rest... thus, making him more attractive, I agree.

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  3. YES, I love this post. I also love that sweet video!

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  4. Love it! So, so in agreement with everything you said!

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  5. Natalie-I have a son who is single. I wonder what he would say about each of these! Wouldn't it be fun to hear about it from the guy's perspective. Of course, he would never let me post his answers on my blog, but I may ask him anyway. I would hope that he would already be doing each of the things you mentioned. He was raised by his momma to act that way!

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  6. Well said, Natalie! Chivalry and a gentleman's respect will never go out of style. And that video at the end is such a winner! Adorable kiddo!

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  7. I want to retweet this over and over. I know a few guys that I've known since before I was married who are still single, that I would like to beat over the head with this blog post. --cough-- Proverbially. :D

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    1. I can imagine ;D And you know... *it's not like I didn't have some guys of my own in mind*

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  8. I couldn't agree more, thank you for posting this. In my past 2 relationships, several of these points were missing from their minds and it was rather saddening to me, and shocking to my old-fashioned parents! ;-)

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    1. It's shocking to my parents too... and there not all that old-fashioned themselves!

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  9. AGREED! Dating takes a bit of maturity, which seems to be scarce these day!

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  10. Love all of your thoughts. These sound like awesome qualities! I've been holding out to find a man like this... which is probably why I haven't had many dates. Oh well!

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