April 10, 2013

In Pursuit of Peace


Peace for a good chunk of my life has been a foreign thing to me. Now it's evil twin, disharmony (or strife, friction, conflict... whatever you've named it), has followed me around since I was a little girl, manifesting itself in different ways during the differing seasons of my life to differing degrees, but always in some way present. Few were the years early on before it rented a room in my heart... and then never moved out.

I think the words 'friction' and 'disharmony' describe this very long season I've been in. There's just been a lot of resistance when it's come to things I've wanted to do or things I've wanted to grow in or cultivate in my heart and walk with the Lord. Some of it I'm 100% not to blame for, and am simply not in a position to change anytime soon. Then there are parts, that I sorta am responsible for... like pursuing peace in all this grating and scraping I've come up against rather than trying to control things, getting frustrated, angry, and having a strong desire to isolate myself, even from God (seems to be my go-to drug of choice the majority of the time). But this mode hasn't served me well. If anything it's puts me a couple hundred steps behind and fulfilled more than my given quota of tear shedding.

Eventually this just gets really exhausting, and I don't want to spend so much time fighting and rubbing against changes I don't like or want. Change really is a hard thing when given to a person in several strong doses in a relatively short period of time. There's just not much easing to it, which can seem all the worse to people who like to be eased and not thrown in. Like me.

You know, sometimes it takes me a long time to figure out what God's trying to teach me. I'm more dense than you think.

I guess is was nearly a month ago when I sorta (perhaps) figured out what God was trying to say: "Pursue peace in and with Me." So that's the direction I'm going to try and start walking towards. With grace. Because there will probably still be some really crappy days in this struggle to get peace. But struggle isn't a horrible thing really. It's proof that Christ is growing you.

You cannot control everything life throws at you, but we are in many ways cultivators... landlords of our hearts. Peace needs a permanent dwelling spot.

14 comments :

  1. Peace is something that 'm trying to find in God as well. Peace is found I think in the worst of times sometimes. And that is when we need it the most. You are in my prayers Natalie!

    ReplyDelete
  2. you somehow seem to convey exactly how i feel a lot of the time. praying for you friend!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Natalie! I think you and I are often on the same wavelength at times =) Praying for you as well.

      Delete
  3. Natalie,

    There i so much truth in this. Peace can be so hard to come by, and yet God promises it to us! Enjoy this season as you pursue peace - may it be found in Him!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Crying because this is so true for me!
    Thank you!
    I look to your blog for inspiration, but hope most of all.
    Your posts help lead me to peace.
    :)
    Thank you and GOD BLESS YOU!
    www.rsrue.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad it's been helpful/encouraging, and praying for you today =)

      Delete
  5. I have been trying to find peace as well, and I think it has finally come. Not from anything that I have done, but because of the graciousness of God. It's funny how He tries to teach us things and it takes for us to "get it". But when we do, it's the sweetest! :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ...yeah... I can be a bit slow (but I think many of us are) =) Thanks for the comment!

      Delete
  6. praying for that peace thats beyond our understanding! its a daily battle, my friend.

    ReplyDelete
  7. "Because there will probably still be some really crappy days in this struggle to get peace. But struggle isn't a horrible thing really. It's proof that Christ is growing you. "

    huh. you always speak the things I need to be reminded of.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Our pastor recently spoke on this tid-bit at great length, and I definitely needed to hear it =)

      Delete
  8. Wow, Natalie. What can I say - I'm going through this with you day by day and I can't tell you how this is so important to me personally. I'm nearly fifty and still find myself grasping in the atmosphere for peace from all the calamity around me. It is one of the most important gifts from God, I think.

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for leaving me your thoughts, comments, and encouragements! =) I do monitor every comment I get so that I can comment back as much as possible.

Any comments I personally deem as inappropriate or disrespectful (and any spam) will be trashed.