January 22, 2013

8 Things Single Christian Girls Need to Start Doing

Don't Immediately Go to the Alter in Your Head. Jane Austen wrote this profound line in her book Pride and Prejudice:
"A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment."
Guess things really haven't changed that much, have they? But that's projecting a little too advanced into the future there, don't you think? I'm not saying don't dream about your wedding (most girls do)... but maybe we should stop putting huge amounts of pressure on dating. Coffee dates are not marriage proposals. Keep repeating that. He's not going to get down on one knee and start reciting Song of Solomon while you sip your mocha. And if he does, you need to leave... that's just creepy.
 
Ask Men to Lead Out... Be it verbally or non verbally. A couple of examples: If you're about to walk out a door, wait until he holds the door for you... say things like, "Hey we should chat sometime," or, "Hey, we should get coffee sometime," or, "I'd really like to go see ___." You as the girl have stated your interest, and then rolled the ball in his court (which is not pursuing... so don't confuse the two). It's up to him now to take you up on the offer and suggest a time to talk, or to go out to coffee, or to go out to wherever. Put it on him. And if he doesn't initiate after that, than lay low. Don't get overly upset when a guy doesn't read your "signals." We tend to think that guys can read our minds, and know exactly what we're thinking and why, but they can't. They're not mind readers.

Date the Nerds and the guys with the corny, weird sense of humor. They're so much nicer then modern day Mr. Darcy's. Not that the Darcy's can't change (um… hence the whole story), but just being honest here, if you can get a Mr. Bingly, keep him. I'm done with the Austen talk now, promise.

Avoid manipulation and Control... because surprise, you're not in control, and if you manipulate relationships to go your way, you're not going to feel that great when you actually do get your way then if he had initiated and pursued. You can tune him in on your interest, but don't go to great lengths to manipulate circumstances and the situation. Don't be that crazy girl who pursues guys. Let him pursue you... It's more fun and romantic ;)

Give Men a Fighting Chance. There are two "directions" we're prone to take, the first is the whole "He's a nice guys, but he's not ______." Fill in the blank with some item off the "list." Usually something of minor importance, like he doesn't look like Brad Pitt. (Am I like the only one who doesn't thing he's all that good looking?) If we ask guys to be pursuers, then we need to respond (to the right kind of guys... not the jerks, but the godly guys... and not just the ones look like a fantasy we've made up in our head... or a celebrity).

Avoid that "Homemaking" Pitfall. As a single gal we can veer a couple of different ways: A. Put our lives on hold until prince charming comes riding on his steed and swoops us off of our feet or B. begin building our own little domestic havens as if to say to God, "You don't want to give me a husband and kids? Fine! I'll get my house with a picket fence anyway and build myself a secure little empire of my own… silverware and all." If God has really given you that desire to be a wife and mom, then that's great, and I don't think there's anything wrong in preparing a little for that, but I have seen it taken to an extreme. God has called us live in the present, not just the future. I'm willing to bet God has laid other desires on your heart as well, and maybe it would be a better time to start cultivating some of those now. On the other side of the fence, some of us should pick up some practical homemaking skills (like cooking and cleaning)... because I highly doubt your mother is going to make you dinner for the rest of your lives, and your future husband may appreciate a good meal now then then.

Know You're Attention/Presence isn't a Free-For-All. Don't just give out your number to any Tom, Dick, or Harry who asks. Realize that your time, phone calls, conversations, etc. are valuable and not every guy should have access to them. It really is ok to play a tiny-bit hard to get, because it tends to weed out the guys who are genuinely interested in you from those who are just playing the field and aren't all that serious. 

Don't Settle. As God's dearly loved daughter, you do not need to settle for mediocrity. Wait for a man who takes the time to pursue you. Who gets to know you, the real you. Who values you as Christ did His church. Marriage is about mirroring the Gospel to one another and to others around you. Wait to marry the man who understands and commits to that standard.

12 comments :

  1. Yay for these single posts! Marriage isn't the be all and end all - if anything, it's the beginning of something new! And, in some respects, a little bit messier if not exciting at the same time. Thanks, Natalie! =]

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    1. Thanks Laura! You're right on about the marriage thing =D

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  2. You are so good at these single girl advised posts. I love them. Thank you for the good tips and I agree with all of them, especially the Mr. Bingly part. cute.

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  3. this is wonderful... and ive never been that crazy about brad pitt either! haha!

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    1. It's good to know I'm not the only one who feels that way (lol)

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  4. Very good advice and I always appreciate the reminders!! I totally echo everything you said. Something I've been trying to figure out is the fine line between letting a guy know you are interested and doing the actual pursuing. I've never wanted to be a pushy woman who is all over every cute/interesting guy I meet, but I always don't want to be all closed up and awkwardly avoiding all guys, hoping that the right one will somehow ask me out anyway, haha.

    Very good points and well written :)

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    1. I agree =) It's a fine line indeed. Thanks for the input and comment!

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  5. love this girl, shared it with madelynn!

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  6. Very, very, VERY good advice to this very single gal here. ;) I won't be in a relationship by Valentine's day, but who knows. And this is really great to keep at the forefront of my mind.
    Thank you for sharing!

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