July 9, 2012

10 Things I Wish Every Guy Knew

#1. Be a man marked by grace and an understanding of the gospel. The gospel needs to be the core, the foundation of your entire life. Christ needs to be the ultimate authority of your life. Be a man who extends grace to all and proclaims the gospel in all that you do. Enough said.

#2. Claiming the rights of manhood is not the same as owning the rights of manhood. You can talk the talk all you want, but that doesn't mean you're walking or living it out. Don't just esteem biblical manhood, implement it into your life. Today.

#3. Pornography is 100% destructive. You could argue with me until you're blue in the face, but there's nothing you could say to convince me differently. There's absolutely nothing beneficial to gain from it. Not only does it damage you, but it causes wreckage that those around you and society as a whole has to cope with. I promise you, I'm not lying about this! OK? I'm saying this as this hits a little too close to home for me. This sinful pattern isn't just about you. It does have a deep affect on those around you. It's incredibly important that if this is a struggle and addiction you have, you need to get help and start dealing with this ASAP. I'm not saying all this with a condemning spirit, but one of love. You're literally attacking your own heart, rewiring your brain (I've got scientific research to back me up on this), and sustaining, in my opinion, one of the darkest, dehumanizing industries in our world (don't even get me started on this... because I won't be able to shut-up for hours). This is an uphill battle that's vitally important for you to win! I cannot stress this enough.

#4. Don't sabotage your marriage before it even begins. Sleeping with women who you're not married to, looking at porn, or living with your girlfriend before you're married to her is accomplishing just that. Even if you end up marrying the girl you're living with, statistically, the marriage is at a higher risk of divorce, than couples who don't live together before they're married. It's a bit beyond me why you'd want to put your future marriage at risk. Instead of taking such risks why not start safeguarding it now?

#5. Women are not an commodity. Women were not created to serve your selfish, sinful needs and whims. Women were not created for you to lord over or boss around as you wish (if that's your view of complementarism, you've got it all wrong). Women were not created for you to manipulate or use for your disposal. God calls men to love, cherish, protect, encourage, and care for the women in their lives in ways that are "appropriate" to their "differing relationships." (Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood)

#6. You have incredible power that you're not even aware of. We live in a man's world. The majority of the time I don't take that personally or am offended by it. But, guys, that means that in so many ways you influence and define culture. I think that if all the men in our country woke up tomorrow and decided that women should have equal pay in the workforce it would happen. If all the men in our country woke up tomorrow and decided to take responsibility for their kids there wouldn't be so many fatherless homes. If all the men woke up tomorrow and decided that scantily dressed women were having negative effects on how women attain attention, you'd probably see more modest outfits being sold and worn. Would all this occur overnight? No. (And there would always be some people who'd push against it.) But my point here is that you all have an incredible amount of impact in how society is run, as well as influence on our culture.

#7. Develop integrity. Integrity is defined as "the quality of being honest... the state of being undivided... internal consistency" (New Oxford American Dictionary). In other words be genuine, honest, and sincere. These are the bedrocks of building and establishing trust. Don't pretend to be something that you're not. Don't act one way around one group of people and a different way around another group of people. 

#8. Good, godly women do exist. I promise you they do. In fact they're in an abundance. I have little pity for guys who sit around moping and whining about how all the godly gals are no more. Statistics wouldn't be able to argue in your favor here. There are far more women in churches and Christian college/universities than men. Proverbs 18:22 says, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord" (emphasis mine). "I'm just waiting on the Lord to bring her to me!" I'm sorry, but to be honest, that sounds an awful lot like a cop out. It's not like you do that with any other area of your life. If you're hungry you don't sit around praying and asking the Lord to bring you a sandwich. You go to the kitchen and you get one! The word "find" is a verb. It implies action, not passivity. It implies work, not sitting around on your butt. You want a godly wife? It's simple: Get off the sofa and go find one. Sure, some hurdles may present themselves, but in many ways those are good, because they truly test a man's character. Marriage isn't for men who give up every time a problem arises. If you can't learn to deal with obstacles in a relationship before you're married, you're not going to take them well once you're in marriage... and if you ask married people they'll tell you that there are obstacles and curve balls that come your way. Marriage requires work, but the rewards are amazing. (For Guys Who Want to Date, and Eventually Marry a Godly Girl Part1/Part 2)

#9. Swag is not attractive, but class is. If you have no clue what I'm talking about order a pizza, sit down and watch Cary Grant and Jimmy Stewart movies.

#10. I could care less about what you do in your virtual world. No... I'm not going to rant about video games... at least not extensively. I don't think you're a looser if you enjoy playing World of Warcraft. By no means am I an expert on video games, but I think the underlying gist of the deal is that you want to get on a team, fight for something, and win. Hey! Did you know you can do that in real life? =) And I'm willing to bet getting to do that in real life is a hundred times better than doing it in a fake world on your screen with your thumbs. I can understand and accept that a lot of guys have that desire to win... it's evidenced even in little boys who play cowboys and indians or superheros. Why don't you carry that attitude and mindset into your real life though? Fight for the best marriage. Fight against injustice that's happening right outside your door... I guarantee you there's a lot. Fight for your kids to have the best upbringing as possible. Fight against the enemy, Satan, who tries to take your eyes off your Creator. Don't sit on your couch fighting something that's not even real at the cost of never fighting against sin and cruelty in the real world. Don't be passive like Adam, who when he saw the serpent slither up to Eve stood by and did nothing:
The second he spotted the Serpent, Adam should've crushed the Serpent. He should've rushed straight toward the intruder and eliminated him, keeping his wife safe and sound. But Adam just stood there. -Justin Buzzard


  1. Natalie, this is spot on. I found myself agreeing with you wholeheartedly on every point you made. You also made me laugh. :)

  2. This is so cool, and they are each fantastic points! Thanks for jotting these down. I'm going to tuck this away in my mind for my future man, haha.

  3. "internal consistency" - I really like that definition. And Cary Grant is the man.

  4. "internal consistency" - I really like that definition. And Cary Grant is the man.

  5. #3 and #7 are amazing.
    thank you for being so bold and upfront about pornography. guys AND girls need to recognize how destructive it is. the reasons to support it are never good enough.
    these are great natalie!

  6. THESE ARE GREAT Natalie!!! So glad you are writing this kind of stuff--so so good to have this Truth "out" there, I'm commend you hon, these are awesome. Such an amazing list, going to share this one with some boys I know :--)

  7. " Don't be passive like Adam, who when he saw the serpent slither up to Eve stood by and did nothing."
    I think that sums up all my issues with men who don't fight.

  8. This is a wonderful list. A girl I know shared this with myself and others. Coming from a guy, I will just say that you are right on the money. Us guys need to hear those exact things. Thank you for this!

  9. I have a slightly different perspective on finding a mate, due to my own struggle with relationships and lust. Many times I have been impatient and wanted to find a mate, but in doing so have made an idol of marriage. I find it helpful to ask this question:

    What did God do with Adam?

    He put him to sleep. Then he removed the rib, and formed the woman. After he woke Adam, he brought Eve to him!

    Some men aren't just lazy; sometimes they just plain aren't ready because God's not finished preparing them for marriage (such is my case). S.M. Davis points out that too often young men are in a hurry to get married and end up hurting themselves AND their spouse because they don't want to wait for God's timing. If they're ready, yet still sitting around moping and complaining, then that's their fault. However, there are some young men "sitting around" who genuinely aren't ready.

    Since I struggle with this so much, my dad has been really encouraging me to be focused on ONE thing: Love Jesus. That in and of itself is the ultimate pursuit, and all others must be secondary. Heck, marriage is momentary compared to eternity!

    One man I know told a story of an unfaithful wife who tried to drive her husband away. She returned to him after for FIVE years. Why? Because he focused on loving Jesus. His love for the Lord was so powerfully attractive that it broke her hardened heart.

    I firmly believe that guys do need to wait for God to bring them the mate. It might look something like this:
    Focus on Jesus. God will bring a young woman to your attention (e.g. you will be attracted to her character qualities) when the time is right.

    Just something to think about. :)

    1. I agree in totality.and am a young man too bdw,who has been on that road before, just like you.

  10. Great list. Loved this post.

  11. I totally agree with #3 and #4. LOVED this post!!

  12. wow. loved the mixture of truth and humor throughout this~ i want to make a copy and pass it out to every guy i know. ;)

    found you through allie's blog~

  13. So many amens are rushing through my head right now...

  14. I love this list. Especially #10 since that seems to be a growing epidemic in society these days.


Thanks for leaving me your thoughts, comments, and encouragements! =) I do monitor every comment I get so that I can comment back as much as possible.

Any comments I personally deem as inappropriate or disrespectful (and any spam) will be trashed.