March 20, 2012

For the Guys Who Want To Date & Eventually Marry a Godly Woman

Guys... you need help. See Genesis 2:18.

You Need to Grow Up. In first Corinthians 13 Paul says, "When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways" (verse 11). If you want to get married a beautiful, godly woman you need to grow up. Get your education, get a job, get into a church, grow in your faith and character, learn how to balance a checkbook and pay bills...  Quit playing video games 24/7, spending your weekends at frat parties, mooching off your parents, using and manipulating the girls around you, skipping class, or showing up to the job late. Cut. It. Out. No woman wants to marry a man that she has to babysit and provide for. God calls men to sacrificially and lovingly lead, provide, and protect their wives (Ephesians 5:25-33). That's a real man. And women highly respect and admire real men, not "boys who can shave."

She's God Daughter. In other words, until the two of you are married, she doesn't belong to you. Don't even think for a split second that you have a right to push her around. At. All. Don't yell at her or call her crass things, because as soon as you start communicating like that you'll shut or break her down and harden her heart. And absolutely under no circumstances whatsoever do you ever, ever, ever, raise your hand (or even threaten) to cause her physical harm. That's absolutely inexcusable. I don't care what she may have said to you or if she was being disrespectful, God doesn't tolerate that kind of behavior towards His daughters. God is never abusive towards His daughters. Imagine just for a moment, 20 years from now, you're waiting for some guy to come and pick up your daughter, your baby girl, to come and take her on a date. How would you want him to treat your amazing, beautiful, precious daughter? Keep that in mind when you're out with a girl. Don't do or say anything to her that you wouldn't want a guy to do to your daughter. 

Don't Hold Her Past Over Her Head. If a girl has had a bad past with other guys, trust me when I say she's probably carried some guilt with that. In fact I've been hearing it more and more recently. They may not flat-out tell you, but if there's something they regret from past relationships (i.e. sinned sexually, porn addictions (it's not just a guy problem anymore), jumped from one relationship to the next, or have just felt like they've messed up) then secretly there's a fear that comes with that... especially if she sees you as Prince Charming. They have a legitimate fear in that they think you won't forgive them, or you'll hold it against them and then love them less, or you'll just call the whole thing off and leave for a more "holier" church girl. Sure she may have made mistakes and sinned in the past, but she's been redeemed by Christ through His work on the cross. She's been made new, whole, and righteous before Him, and God will continue to refine and purify her. Therefore, she does not need your judgement and condemnation. If God has forgiven her, then there's no reason why you shouldn't either (since you're not perfect either). I'm not making light of sin, but I am saying that if repentance has taken place then there's no reason to guilt or shame them... or love them any less. If she hints at it or bring is up, use it as an opportunity to remind her of the gospel. Extend to her grace.

Don't Make Little of Her Daddy Issues. I mean that with all seriousness. Once you start traveling that road you better be super careful. If a girl had a bad father or was wounded by her dad (be it little or a lot) growing up, those are incredibly tender areas of her heart. If she shares this with you consider it an honor because I'm willing to bet she doesn't share that info with just anybody. Don't abuse that trust and safe place that she feels she has with you. You don't have to have the "right" words or answers necessarily but you need to take this seriously because she certainly does. Just learn to be tender. Being tender means to be kind, gentle, and sensitive towards another. When she shares her heart you need to listen to her, not just hear her, listen to her. Attack her here and you'll surely loose. Don't do that.

Pursue and Study Her. I've yet to meet a woman, young or old, who didn't like to have her heart pursued. In order to do that though you'll have to "study" her. Her likes, dislikes, her dreams, goals, wishes, desires, what makes her laugh, what she enjoys doing, etc. etc. And no two women are alike. Women are complicated. You'll find early on that there are certain things that matter a ton to her and other things she could care less about. 

It's Up to You To Find Her. Proverbs 18:21 reads, "He who finds a wife finds  a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord." And then Proverbs 31:10 says that "An excellent wife who can find?" Notice that little word: find. Find usually implies that one must be seeking. As a man it's your job to find yourself a wife. I'm not saying God doesn't play a role in this, but it's up to the guy to grow-up, find a godly woman, initiate a relationship with her, and then marry her. You can hardly expect to find her when you're sitting at home playing video games and eating chips all day. Pray for guidance and wisdom, and then be on the lookout for who God places in front of you. And when He does bring you a woman, seal the deal.

10 comments :

  1. Amen. Thanks for speaking these truths. ('Especially about tender areas (Daddy-issues!) and extending grace for the past...

    Great to read, as always! :-)

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  2. Speechless. This post is wonderful and filled with SO much truth. Thank you for sharing this :]

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  3. Woot! I LOVE this. Pursue and Study Her is such a great one. I definitely knew my husband pursued me. It really wins you over!

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  4. This was great. Took some notes, for myself and for my teens guys!

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  5. AWESOME, printing and sharing with Madelynn!!! Thank you Natalie! I think current husbands need to read this too unfortunately...

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  6. Ok, wow!! THANK YOU!!! Somebody should put this on a billboard...it's amazing!!

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