January 31, 2012

The Courtship vs. Dating Question

Q: So do you believe in just courtship or do you think dating is alright? Where do you stand on the whole courtship vs. dating debate. -Anonymous via Formspring

A: I don't align myself to the whole "I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Hello Courtship" camp (even though I've read both those books, and think there's great stuff in them), nor do I side with the culture's idea of dating. I'm in between the two. I'm willing to argue that neither dating nor courtship are in the Bible. However, we do see how different relationships came together (Ruth and Boaz, Adam and Eve, Issac and Rebekah, the couple in Song of Solomon, etc.) and tons of principles in the scriptures that apply to relationships. Personally, whatever "camp" that's called, that's the one I want to side with. I read many books on both Christian dating and courtship back in my high school days, but I never gleaned as much from those as I have from studying couples in the Bible. (Seriously, that's a relationship book waiting to be written since I've yet to see that one on the market!) Here's the bottom line: It doesn't matter whether you say you're dating or courting, what matters is are you seeking to honor God in how you relate to the opposite sex. I know people who prefer to go the courtship rout, which I think is great, but I also know people who date, but do so in a way that's God honoring and intentional in finding a spouse, which is the whole point. I think Bianaca's words would apply to what I'm trying to get at: I'm "traditional in ideals, but biblical in practicality." If a guy were to ask me to enter into a courtship I'd definitely pray and think about it, and if a guy wanted to date me, I'd definitely pray and think about it. But the proverbial coffee date doesn't count here, since I don't even think that's really a date. I think sometimes people blow that out of proportion. It's just coffee. Yeah... I don't know if any of this has made any sense, and if it doesn't, whoever you are, feel free to e-mail me and I'll try explaining it better.


  1. sounds pretty clear and awesome to me.
    i'm with you on that whole perspective of dating.

  2. I agree! I'm in a courtship because well, L & I sided it fit our view better than calling it 'dating'. To me, the name is not really as important as the purpose. It's all about intentional dating.

    As always, loving your blog.

  3. Just wanted to tell you that I really enjoy reading your blog. And I REALLY appreciate what you have to say. It helps me get a better perspective on things, especially when I get it from someone new once in a while ;)

  4. Love the question. For me and my man we call it dating... but what it comes down to is the sincerity of your heart and the whole reason your in a relationship! :) (ps now it's FINALLY letting me comment on your blog) =]


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