November 14, 2011

Spiritual Hide and Seek

 The other day I had to make two decisions. And after they were made I felt absolutely terrible. The first decision was one that was sorta out of my hands and had been arranged to begin with, but the other day I had to make it final. After the papers were signed I had a huge sense of looming anxiety and fear come over me. No peace whatsoever. And I tried ever so hard to hold myself together while walking out of that office and out to the car. All the way back home my mind kept spinning and spinning. "Why did you do that stupid? What are you thinking?" Now every time I think about it all I feel like I may throw up. 

So I got home and that lingering sense of "Oh my gosh I think I may have just forever ruined my life and ruined God's will as well" would not go away. And that's when decision number two presented itself, and because of my morning and stress, I blatantly went against God and chose the easiest and quickest fix to the issue. Bad, bad, bad, bad choice. I shouldn't be making more than one major life decision in a day because otherwise it just results in huge emotional wreckage. I spent of that day wallowing in old familiar lies Satan loves to whisper to me and sobbing my eyes out. FYI, lies make for a terrible comfort when you need it most. Take it from someone who's done it numerous times. (You'd think I would've learned my lesson by now... but nope.)Like a little kid I ran and hid from God. I'm pretty good at spiritual hide and seek you know. 

Here's the thing about spiritual hide and seek: it never lasts. God always knows where you're hiding and why. And God always seeks out His children. Even if we don't want to be found at the time... because I'll be honest, I would've preferred huddling under the table. I would've preferred to keep beating myself up than to run to Abba's arms. Even now there still remains a part of me that rather go back to my hiding spot... but God won't let me. That deep nagging of the Spirit just won't go away no matter how hard I may try and ignore it. And it's in these moments I have to be reminded of grace.

Grace is already mine for the taking. You nor I can earn it. That's totally backwards when you consider the very definition of the word. 

Ever so tenderly He comes, picks me up, cradles me, and takes me back. Every. Single. Time. 

So don't play hide and seek. You won't win. And it's not worth it.

3 comments :

  1. Definitely can relate. Those lies, no matter how small or how false, sting and turn into handcuffs.

    "God always knows where you're hiding and why"
    Love that.

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  2. Good post.
    I don't think you can ever ruin God's will, though.

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  3. You never win... I have yet to win! lol

    ReplyDelete

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