Happy End(ish) of May

First, I wanted to thank those of you who participated in the parcel exchange this last month. I hope you had fun with it and got a few little springtime goodies as well! Please feel free to share a snapshot of what you received on the Facebook wall or Twitter! And now, some link love for the upcoming weekend...

For Encouragement: Story Frames Collective (a video series of amazing stories of redemption), Sticky Substances and the Spirit's Work, Choose Your Own Adventure, and Bravery Used to Be Cool.

For Thought: Beauty vs. Sexuality, Why Christians Should Read Fiction, and An Open Letter to Beyonce.

For Jammin' and Dancing: Emeli Sande's single Next to Me, Michael McEachern (EP free on NoiseTrade), The Lone Bellow, Hunter Hayes new single, the new album from Shane & Shane, and this rockin' song...

6 Ways To Minister to Your Single Friends

Today's post is a follow-up to last week's on getting friend dumped. I asked a few other single gals (differing ages) for their input on how they'd best feel ministered to by their friends who are married/engaged/in a relationship, since the nature of their friendship begins to change.

Make Time for Them. Just because you now have a boyfriend or a spouse, doesn't mean you should ditch your friends. We all have at least one of those friends who as soon as they got a boyfriend basically disappeared. We haven't had a legitimate conversation with them in months... or years. Be intentional about making time for your friends... and STICK to it. It's never fun to plan a get-together, and then have a friend cancel because at the spur of the moment her boyfriend offered to take her to the movies. We're guessing that if you take a rain check repetitively and flippantly... well, you're not going to have many friends later on down the road. Go to the trouble to keep including her in your life.

Avoid the Cliches. The fact is that God may not give your single friends a spouse, so don't utter cliches to them. It's hard enough to wrestle through a (possible) calling of singlehood without your friends telling you that God has "someone very special picked out for you." It's not the most helpful to be promising something to your friend that God hasn't Himself.

Don't Pretend to know what your single friends are going through either if you got married at 19, and now you're both nearing 30... and she's still single, because you don't actually know what it's like to be single for an extended period of time. She approaches singlehood from a different perspective than you, so be respectful and honest.

Don't Treat Her Like the Token Single Girl. If all your get-togethers with others include inviting couples and then you ask your one single friend to come along, don't be surprised if she starts coming up with excuses to not show up. Playing third wheel can only be done so many times before all it becomes is another reminder of how she's the only one without a significant other. Have get-together that are a mixture of couples and more than one single. Have those girl's nights only too.

Put Yourself in Our Shoes. If all of your friends were dating, getting engagement rings, and trying on wedding gowns... and you weren't, how would you feel? You'd probably feel a bit isolated from them... and maybe even a little bitter... especially when all your friends talk about is how romantic their boyfriend or fiance or spouse is all. the. time. Have a little grace and consideration. Balance out your conversations so that she doesn't have to listen about what you did on all your dates, or the flowers he brought you, or the color of your bridesmaids dresses. Ask her about her life and what she's been up to or planning. Just listen to her for a while. And hey, ask her how you can help her with this transitioning time in your friendship... because in all likelihood, she has the harder end of the stick on this one. Pray that she'd seek her ultimate satisfaction and peace in God as a single (and a future spouse as well if that would be God's plan for her life later). If she's making the effort and time to celebrate with you because of your new relationship/engagement/marriage, it really shouldn't be asking a lot to celebrate what God's doing in her life (even though it doesn't look like yours right now) too. Friendship should have an element of celebrating one another.

Play Matchmaker... If They're OK with That. Some singles will not appreciate you trying to set-them up on dates or introduce them to a nice single guy you know of... others of us would though, because we do not want to repeat this...

Christ's Compassion

Praying that Christ's compassion flood over you today, and pull you closer towards Him.

Four Practical Helps in Practicing Sabbath

At the risk of sounding like a Hallmark greeting card, many of us are so rushed that we fail to notice the hints of beauty all around us. We don’t stop to enjoy the field of sunflowers in front of us or the crimson-purple sky at sunset. We’re often too busy to stop and talk with a neighbor or take time to just breathe deeply. Each day, God brings beauty into our lives. But when we’re focused on accomplishing more instead of enjoying that which we're doing and who we're "doing life" with, we miss out on those daily beauty reminders, and our lives will be lacking a richness which is ours for the taking.

Today I'm over at Darling Companion writing more on practicing Sabbath. Read the rest here!

Getting Dumped

Not that kind of dumped.

The kind of dumped nobody really told me about, nor was I really prepared for.

I'm talking about getting dumped by your friends for that really great guy, who then becomes that really great fiance, and then that really great husband.

The friendship status changes. And one-by-one it's happening with what is seemingly all (it's legit, let's not pretend) of your friends.

Don't get me wrong I am happy and excited for my friends as they each find that relationship, get engaged, and then hitched. But I have to be honest here too: It also sorta sucks. I get to witness one after another gush and go on and on about how awesome he is, all their dates and adventures, and then the gushing over the wedding details. Not a day goes by that I can't even log into Pinterest without wedding photos and articles right there in my face. For me though, the wrestling comes not with the jealous feelings toward them being in a relationship, whilst I remain single, but rather the morphing of our friendship. 

I'm trying to learn how to navigate this new phase, because I was naive to it's coming. I wasn't prepared for, or expected it really. It didn't occur to me that one day I'd wake up, and it would be different. Should it be different? Is it right? YES. It's right and good for them. Newly engaged and married couples should be a bit "obssessed" or "crazy" about one another. They're learning to become one after all.

In trying to keep that in mind though, it doesn't diminish the stinging much for when girls, such as myself, feel like we've suddenly become just another person on a Christmas card list or that friend who you maybe see every other month for a couple of hours at Starbucks.

While they mean well and are trying to be kind, I've easily grown tired of being the third wheel, or the token single girl. It's not a position I enjoy all that much. I almost wish you'd just exclude me and I'll wait for you to fit me in for coffee one-on-one… three months from now. It gets really hard and lonely sometimes.

My plea for maybe those of you who are dating, engaged and newly-married is this: Don't forget your friends!

**Next week I'm going to be collaborating on a post with a couple of gals of how marrieds can minister to their single friends, so keep an eye out for it!